Hello there, I have been absent for a while, but for good reasons not cos the wheels have fallen off 🙂 In partnership with my friend Narelle, we have started our own business called Change of Mind. We are an anti-bullying education and training organization. So I have been busy building up a library of blogs for our website, if you want to take a look at todays, here’s the link http://www.changeofmind.com.au/leadership-whose-responsibility-is-it/
While exciting and full of promise, it is also a very scary time. All those doubts and triggers that come with being a person, plus of course our old friends in BPD land. Oh joy! Not to worry, I will address each trigger as it pops up. I am aware of course, of the irony of becoming a presenter in light of how BPD’ers cope with rejection and criticism! Lordy what have I done!
I wanted to talk about this today because sometimes it is easy to think that things will never get better. That we will be sick forever and living a life that is unlikely to reach great heights. I know I get caught up in that belief regularly. As you are aware, I have been well previously and several months ago the wheels fell off again. I found it very difficult to make my peace with that. Here I was, clearly with the skills to manage my life well and yet I am in pit of despair. What was the use? If I was going to build a future and then lose it all anyway, what was the point.
It would appear however that those skills have stood me in good stead. Yes, the wheels fell off. Yes, things were a bit dangerous there for a while. But, my recovery time was relatively quick this time. I am still having bad days here and there, but what I am noticing is that even in the middle of an episode, I am searching for my toolkit, saying to myself, no this is not the way we want to handle things. Get up, get up, there is much to look forward to. More pleasing is that I am looking for those reasons for myself, whereas previously I would have used my kids or family as motivation to keep going. Perhaps all that work on self-worth IS paying off.
I would like to say today, that if you feel like giving up, if it feels like you’ll never ‘get’ it, what you are learning IS getting in. So keep going. Whatever it is that you do to keep yourself on the road to recovery, keep doing it. My guess is that one day, when you least expect it, you will just be doing it. And yes, the wheels will still fall off, and yes, you will still have dangerous times, but you will get up again. And again. And you will do it for yourself.
Have a great day, stay safe – Mak